Welcome to the world.

Sometimes, our generation of parents, due to how we cringe at some of the things we were into as children and because we know about their harms - want to do all we can to protect our children from following a similar path. But sometimes we go to the other extreme and I fear for our children when I see it happening because it can be counterproductive.

I saw a girl the other day, the lovely daughter of someone I know who is very strict with regards to television viewing. I mean, this persons children aren't allowed to watch television with other children when they are watching cartoons and stuff like that. I understand because I have read about the negative impact of television viewing and I don't have a TV at home, but if my children request watching TV when they are elsewhere, I do allow them, depending on what it is, as I want them to

1. Learn how to use the TV responsibly and be selective - not to look at things that are not allowed and music etc.

2. Not crave the TV or feel that they were deprived, and then as soon as they are old enough to - sneak away and binge on it! (Unfortunately one of my friends experienced this...when she didn't have a TV, her children as teenagers began going to friends houses to watch TV, so eventually she got one, and sat and watched selective programs with them - that way, she felt she had some control and could teach them how to view things.

3. Realise that although the TV is not an impermissible object in and of itself, it has the potential to be used in a halal or an impermissible way...we've got to use it for any good we can.

4. Watch beneficial programmes: sports and documentaries (My son and I watched this amazing documentary about the Solar System the other day on Discovery HD at my mum's house. Subhan Allah!)

5. Realise that TV is overrated - reading an intriguing book, going out to explore London, playing football at the park, visiting museums, seeing breathtaking places and meeting real people is much more enjoyable.

We happened to be at the same house together and the girl's mother wasn't there for a while. When she saw the television in the house, some of the children asked if they could watch a particular cartoon and the little girl said quite excitedly: "My mum's not here so I can too!!"

I felt quite sad to hear this and wondered if the strictness I'd seen, was not having a detrimental effect on that little girl and the way she viewed her mother. Would she grow up and feel free when she left home, resenting her mother for constantly not allowing her to do some of the things that are not haram, but are permissible? I wouldn't tell the mum because I think she might overreact...but it was explained to the little girl that she should respect her mums wishes whether she was there or not and the children were taken to do something else instead.

It made me think however, about how we've really got to be careful as parents. We've got to be facilitators, best friends: showing our children why we see things the way we do - enrolling them into our vision. And introducing the world to them. Showing them that the world contains beautiful things that will benefit them and harmful things that only lead to their detriment and that we should avoid.

It's difficult sometimes to get the balance right. We don't want them to be spineless, to follow the crowd, to trivialise things that our Creator takes seriously or to not speak out when someone has to speak out. They have to be willing to go against the grain at times...but is that something you can force someone to do? I think inspiring them, and setting a good example ourselves will probably be the way forward - admitting our shortcomings when we need to and showing them that Allah is with them if they move towards Allah...

The world is out there, and they will have to go into it without us. They haven't experienced things the way we have - they have their own biographies - not our baggage. One day, they will be out there, without us. And that is when our nurturing, our teaching them responsibility will insha Allah kick in. But how can it if they've never even been allowed to take responsibility - to be in charge of the remote control - so to speak. They might make mistakes. But didn't we? Learning to ride a bike is actually about learning how NOT to lose your balance. By falling off, time and time again a child eventually learns how -NOT to fall off.

As I heard one sister put it:
Our role as parents is to introduce them TO the world, not protect them FROM the world.

Another saying of a scholar I was told some time ago was:
"Nurture your children for a time other than your own times."

I remember my mother did that with me many times. She would, instead of getting angry and being dictatorial, calmly talk to me about why she saw things the way she did. It meant spending time with me and talking about herself and her past and her worldview. But I was much wiser by the end of those talks - much more able to appreciate what she was saying.

May Allah help us to get the balance right, to show our children how wonderful, living as Muslims is - not just as a list of don'ts but a world full of possibilities.